Regina's Legacy - Sweet Valley High No. 73

Oh man, I love the Sweet Valley High books. They are about two beautiful, blonde twins, Jessica and Elizabeth, who are a "perfect size six." Elizabeth is the smart, studious, nice one and Jessica is a crazy bitch. This book focuses on Elizabeth, who receives a sweet camera after her friend Regina dies of a cocaine overdose. These chicks are hardcore! While the book where Regina dies is much more interesting, this book is pretty good if only because it involves drug rings, the mafia, and Jessica dating a guy who is only interested in one thing: a photo Elizabeth took (fooled you! it wasn't sex!) So some crazy stuff happens, darkrooms are vandalized, punches are thrown and everything ends up all fine and dandy, except of course, Jessica is hurt by the guy who Only Wanted One Thing, which ultimately ends up to her alienating herself from her friends and family and joining a cult in book no. 82, "Kidnapped by the Cult."

Recently, Random House republished the first couple books in the series which made me super excited. But then, when I opened them up to reminisce I noticed something fishy. Instead of being "perfect size sixes", the girls were now size four! And instead of Jessica dreaming about a sparkly gold pantsuit with extra-larage shoulder pads and a chunky turqoise necklace, she now wanted the last pair of sevens. COME ON GUYS, the only reason these books were so good was how well they captured the amazing levels of cheesiness that were present in the eighties. What's next? Are they going to to stop swooning over Burt Reynolds in favor of Taylor Lautner? Are they going to to trade their matching lavaliere necklaces for tiffany heart bracelets? Are they going to trade their sporty little fiat in for a prius! Ugh. As long as they keep the six part series where Margo, who is conveniently identical to Jessica and Elizabeth comes in and tries to kill them and take their place and then HER identical sister does the exact same thing five books late, I'll still be happy.